O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

[simplyleedsutd]

a nice bit of sentimental nonsense.

http://www.sabotagetimes.com/football-sport/its-a-father-and-son-thing/

By the by, but there's a book about Dads and boys which I might have mentioned on here before. Normally I run a mile from that kind of self-help / advice thing, but I think this is quite worth having just to dip into now and again. It's a bit hippy wanky in places but it's useful when it talks about how and when boys change because of growth and testerone etc.

Just reminded me, reading the article above, because it refers to periods when boys will be drawn to their mothers, and periods when they'll particularly need their fathers. My lad has sort of noticeably changed and become my 'mate' in the last couple of months and it's just, I dunno, cool.

I can almost pin point to the day when my Dad became more like a friend than a Dad. I honestly would say my Dad is one of my best friends. It sounds a bit sad but when all is considered we go to football and rugby together, we've even been to gigs together and we love having a pint together. Although I suppose being honest with the amount of money I have borrowed from my parents in recent years he is still a lot of a Dad too

[LSD&2Es]

My Dads a right cock. Never liked him, probably never will!

[AndyPaul]

My Dads a right cock. Never liked him, probably never will!

To be fair I think my Dads an alright guy really, I mean I am a right cock and he hasn't disowned me yet. Fair play to the guy

[And that was really moving]

a nice bit of sentimental nonsense.

http://www.sabotagetimes.com/football-sport/its-a-father-and-son-thing/

By the by, but there's a book about Dads and boys which I might have mentioned on here before. Normally I run a mile from that kind of self-help / advice thing, but I think this is quite worth having just to dip into now and again. It's a bit hippy wanky in places but it's useful when it talks about how and when boys change because of growth and testerone etc.

Just reminded me, reading the article above, because it refers to periods when boys will be drawn to their mothers, and periods when they'll particularly need their fathers. My lad has sort of noticeably changed and become my 'mate' in the last couple of months and it's just, I dunno, cool.

Got that book and the raising girls version, liked them both, but neither, I felt as good as the books he did called "the secrets of happy children" and "more secrets of happy children"

Both really struck a cord with me, and use them a lot.

Also, have you seen this months 442 mag, got an article about the man who has been designing the posters for Lewes FC matches, some very good work there, loved this one, for a game sponsored by Specsavers.

[Blackwhite]

This is great parenting IMHO

[eric olthwaite]

Blimey. On this occasion Mrs O said, 'I don't know, why don't you ask your Squareball mates for a neutral opinion?'

Further to the father-in-law saga above, arranging the funeral has been a bugger because there are swathes of kids in the middle of exams etc. Finally settled on this Friday, because the mother-in-law wanted it close to a weekend so's people can stop over if they needed to. Anyway, our eldest, 17 has two AS exams that day and can't make the funeral. Unfortunate, but shit happens. Ma-in-law knows and understands this when the Friday option is agreed.

Middle daughter, 15, has her official last day of school this Friday before she knocks off for the start of GCSEs. Now, we're flummoxed. On the one hand it's her Grandad's funeral and on the other, leaving secondary school is kind of a massive rite of passage (saying goodbye to teachers, all that shirt signing stuff) which she doesn't want to miss. So we decide she's old enough for us to explain the situation and let her choose.

She struggles and takes about three days to decide. She opts for school over funeral. At this, the wife is crushed - much more than she expected to be - and she wishes we'd not given her the choice. She had also considered telling her mother that she also had an exam and we'd screwed up dates but in reality doesn't feel able to lie, and knows that Grandma will be upset by her absence.

So having bollocksed this up, do we:

a) Put us foot down, say we made a mistake and drag a sulky teenager to the funeral? Or:
b) Live with it and let her be, upset the mother-in-law and also have the worry on the day of the funeral, because there's in recent years there's always been alcohol, misbehaviour and police attending etc on the last day? She's basically a good, trustworthy kid but you can just get dragged into situations.

Vote now.

As an aside, I'm a coffin bearer. He was a big bloke, and I'm scared shitless about tripping over and dropping the box...

[Blackwhite]

a) sets awful precedent/example
b) pisses off your MIL but that's wife's fault (sounds like she and your daughter both need decisiveness classes, or not, I dunno). Why worry about misbehaviour, alcohol and police actions - isn't a bit of that kind of fun the whole point? That or
c) sit daughter down and put it all on her ("We've been wondering if you won't later feel you're letting Gran down a bit by choosing the selfish option...")

[eric olthwaite]

Why worry about misbehaviour, alcohol and police actions - isn't a bit of that kind of fun the whole point?

No problem in principle, just don't want a phone call from the school or Plod whilst we're at the funeral, is all.

[Blackwhite]

Why worry about misbehaviour, alcohol and police actions - isn't a bit of that kind of fun the whole point?

No problem in principle, just don't want a phone call from the school or Plod whilst we're at the funeral, is all.

[the flying pig]

my first instinct would be to allow the kid to not attend if that's her preference.

one exception to this i suppose might be if you suspect the funeral &/or wake will be badly attended enough that your MIL & wife might not feel that they're being supported well enough, that it's enough of an occasion to mark the passing or whatever. in such circumstances the girl should be press-ganged into it.

[Ponte]

My two penneth;
The last day of school is a pretty big thing, granted so is the funeral of a grandparent but I would allow your daughter to go to her last day of school. She saw him at the end and said her goodbyes and for me, that is what she would be doing again at the funeral.
It is all down to whether she is comfortable with her own decision.

[FER]

My two penneth;
The last day of school is a pretty big thing, granted so is the funeral of a grandparent but I would allow your daughter to go to her last day of school. She saw him at the end and said her goodbyes and for me, that is what she would be doing again at the funeral.
It is all down to whether she is comfortable with her own decision.

This.

[OWETB]

What would her grandad want her to do, enjoy the day with her mates and take the rite of passage or be miserable at his funeral?

[Phil LUFC]

Isn't there an option C Eric? Can she do both? What time in the funeral and the wake? How much of a pain would it be to pick her up between the 2? I'm assuming the funeral will be early afternoon and shool would kick out early, about half 2ish on the last day.

In my experience, funerals are not the ideal place for kids (although I'm primarily thinking younger kids than your daughter) but everyone wants to see them at the wake.

Last day of school presumably involves wearing the uniform but having the shirt signed, but it won't take long, even for a teenage girl, to change a signed shirt for a clean one and be roughly dressed appropriately - she can agree to say she's come from a morning exam if necessary?

Added benefit, you don't have to worry about her getting pissed on a street corner in a post school party....

[the flying pig]

What would her grandad want her to do, enjoy the day with her mates and take the rite of passage or be miserable at his funeral?

you've put that in a slightly loaded way, if you don't mind me saying so.

a more neutral way of putting it might be along the lines of:

What would her grandad want her to do, enjoy the day with her mates and take the rite of passage or be miserable whilst there giving moral support to her mum and grandma on a very difficult day?

[eric olthwaite]

Isn't there an option C Eric? Can she do both?

Minor issue is that there's approx 230 miles between the two. Granted I drive like a cunt, but I think I'd struggle.

[LSD&2Es]

I'd go for the School option myself. Didn't you already take her up to say last goodbyes etc?? She'll only be in a mood up there all day and annoy the missus (that'll be your fault too!)

Like you say, you only leave secondary school once and it's a massive deal. She can always go with your Gran and Mum later on and lay some flowers or something. I'm sure he'd want her not to be miserable, plus you and the missus will have major leverage for the future

[Phil LUFC]

Isn't there an option C Eric? Can she do both?

Minor issue is that there's approx 230 miles between the two. Granted I drive like a cunt, but I think I'd struggle.

That'll be a no then. Of course, I should have realised that the funeral would be near where he lived and not where you do, you've supplied all the info earlier in this thread.

So, yeah, I think I'd back her choice. I wouldn't lie to her grandmother directly, I'd just say something along the lines of the timing being bad what with her being 16 and exams starting around this time...

[Man Called Sun]

I think the only thing you can do is trust the lasses' decision, you gave her the option and she decided.
To then go back on it and tell her she's going anyway would be unfair, I think. Difficult as it might be for Mrs O.

[Ontolly]

I think the only thing you can do is trust the lasses' decision, you gave her the option and she decided.
To then go back on it and tell her she's going anyway would be unfair, I think. Difficult as it might be for Mrs O.

This. If you'd have consulted us before giving out choices willy nilly then we could have given more consideration to the matter.