O/T The Official Squareball Parenting Thread

[MightyWhite]

If you see a car crash on the motorway you don't stop and look at the blood and guts smeared all over the hard shoulder.

True but sometime in the future you have to wipe the horror from your mind and fuck that car crash once again.

[And that was really moving]

Well this thread as taken a funny twist. I have been told by my mrs I'm not allowed to go near the 'business end'. Thank god for that!

Got to ask why? What the hell does she think you are going to do down there?

[MightyWhite]

Well this thread as taken a funny twist. I have been told by my mrs I'm not allowed to go near the 'business end'. Thank god for that!

Got to ask why? What the hell does she think you are going to do down there?

It's for her own sense of self esteem and modesty rather than a belief that I might succumb to some kind of bizarre fetish

[eric olthwaite]

Whilst this thread is doing the rounds, another vignette from family life:

Daughter's coming up to GCSEs. Art's her thang, mainly, and that's what she's focussing on as she plans to toddle off to sixth form college. Now, she's been coming down with flu and feeling shite latter end of this week, and she'd finished a painting, obviously feeling like crap and rushing it a bit, and it was a fair bit below what she can normally produce.

So the conversation starts, mid-day:

"Dad, could you drop my painting off at school this afternoon for marking?"

OK, I'm thinking, keep it chilled and diplomatic:

"Well, I was sort of wondering if you were thinking about doing some more on it over the weekend, seeing as you'd not been well."

"No, it's finished"

Oh, God, off we go.

"Well, I wondered if you might have rushed it a bit because you weren't feeling good"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? I SPENT HOURS ON IT. YOU ALWAYS SAY EVERYTHING I DO IS RUBBISH!"

"Oh that's not really true is it? I said that other drawing was great. I always tell you how good your work is."

Too late.

"YOU'RE ALWAYS CRITICISING ME. I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING I CAN DO. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ONLY EVER HAVE A GO AT ME"

"I don't really, do I? I'm not having a go; I'm just trying to help. Look, you chose the College and the course you want, and you know what grades you need. I'm just here to help because I'd like to see you get into the College you want."

"WELL YOU'RE NOT HELPING. YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL STUPID"

"So, what, are you saying that you'd rather I told you that all your work was brilliant, even when I didn't really think that?"

And here's the killer line, as she slams the door and storms upstairs:

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO ME"

And there, ladies and gentlemen, sits the youth of today in a nutshell. The error is entirely mine, as I am wholly unable to offer constructive criticism in a manner deemed acceptable to m'lady.

Back in the day, when I went off to Uni, pinned my work up in front of a room full of 40 of my peers, and got utterly fucking shredded by tutors, I considered it a valuable learning curve.

Can't help but suspect that this generation mightn't think the same.

[Blackwhite]

Thats not a kids of today issue IMO. Thats just women. Always our fault, even if they are hormoned into The Incredible Sulk.

[OWETB]

Whilst this thread is doing the rounds, another vignette from family life:

Daughter's coming up to GCSEs. Art's her thang, mainly, and that's what she's focussing on as she plans to toddle off to sixth form college. Now, she's been coming down with flu and feeling shite latter end of this week, and she'd finished a painting, obviously feeling like crap and rushing it a bit, and it was a fair bit below what she can normally produce.

So the conversation starts, mid-day:

"Dad, could you drop my painting off at school this afternoon for marking?"

OK, I'm thinking, keep it chilled and diplomatic:

"Well, I was sort of wondering if you were thinking about doing some more on it over the weekend, seeing as you'd not been well."

"No, it's finished"

Oh, God, off we go.

"Well, I wondered if you might have rushed it a bit because you weren't feeling good"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? I SPENT HOURS ON IT. YOU ALWAYS SAY EVERYTHING I DO IS RUBBISH!"

"Oh that's not really true is it? I said that other drawing was great. I always tell you how good your work is."

Too late.

"YOU'RE ALWAYS CRITICISING ME. I THINK IT'S THE BEST THING I CAN DO. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ONLY EVER HAVE A GO AT ME"

"I don't really, do I? I'm not having a go; I'm just trying to help. Look, you chose the College and the course you want, and you know what grades you need. I'm just here to help because I'd like to see you get into the College you want."

"WELL YOU'RE NOT HELPING. YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL STUPID"

"So, what, are you saying that you'd rather I told you that all your work was brilliant, even when I didn't really think that?"

And here's the killer line, as she slams the door and storms upstairs:

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO ME"

And there, ladies and gentlemen, sits the youth of today in a nutshell. The error is entirely mine, as I am wholly unable to offer constructive criticism in a manner deemed acceptable to m'lady.

Back in the day, when I went off to Uni, pinned my work up in front of a room full of 40 of my peers, and got utterly fucking shredded by tutors, I considered it a valuable learning curve.

Can't help but suspect that this generation mightn't think the same.

You fucking wanker, I'm not surprised she fucking hates you.

[eric olthwaite]

You fucking wanker, I'm not surprised she fucking hates you.

[Mustafaster]

Thats not a kids of today issue IMO. Thats just women. Always our fault, even if they are hormoned into The Incredible Sulk.

This is correct.
She Who Must Be Obeyed is of a certain age and does this with admirable frequency for no reason that I can discern.
If I do the shopping and get the wrong brand of detergent I am no better than Pol Pot. I deliberately go out of my way to make her life a living hell. Her hairdresser agrees, apparently.
You have to respect it, really, it'd wear me out getting so pissed off about fuck all all the time.

[Ponte]

It's for her own sense of self esteem and modesty

I guarantee that during childbirth she will have neither and not give a fuck.

[Man Called Sun]

Well this thread as taken a funny twist. I have been told by my mrs I'm not allowed to go near the 'business end'. Thank god for that!

I was given the same instructions. By my mrs, not yours etc

[eric olthwaite]

So the conversation starts, mid-day . . .

Interesting post-script: the girl apologises later: says she knows she wasn't feeling good and was being a bit unreasonable.

Goes without saying that she apologises to her mother, who wasn't involved.

[OWETB]

So the conversation starts, mid-day . . .

Interesting post-script: the girl apologises later: says she knows she wasn't feeling good and was being a bit unreasonable.

Goes without saying that she apologises to her mother, who wasn't involved.

You piece of none understanding shit.

Bad daddy

[Jovo Simanic]

Well this thread as taken a funny twist. I have been told by my mrs I'm not allowed to go near the 'business end'. Thank god for that!

I was given the same instructions. By my mrs, not yours etc

It is sound advice. I've been there. I try to forget.

[And that was really moving]

Thats not a kids of today issue IMO. Thats just women. Always our fault, even if they are hormoned into The Incredible Sulk.

This is correct.
She Who Must Be Obeyed is of a certain age and does this with admirable frequency for no reason that I can discern.
If I do the shopping and get the wrong brand of detergent I am no better than Pol Pot. I deliberately go out of my way to make her life a living hell. Her hairdresser agrees, apparently.
You have to respect it, really, it'd wear me out getting so pissed off about fuck all all the time.

Speaking as someone who has the role of househusband, looking after the kids, cleaning, washing up, cooking, whilst my wife works, I suggest your dear lady has a point. I for one hate it when my wife strews the scatter cushions the wrong way round on the settee. The wrong soap powder, how very dare you.

[col]

Well this thread as taken a funny twist. I have been told by my mrs I'm not allowed to go near the 'business end'. Thank god for that!

I was given the same instructions. By my mrs, not yours etc

It is sound advice. I've been there. I try to forget.

Just after the birth of my First, the Mrs' Jack n Danny looked like Freddie Kruger had had a quick fiddle in there, a right fucking mess it was.

Current Mrs now 20 weeks into it with the nipper due at the end of June. I too have been advised to stay away from the business end.

[ChairmanMeaow]

Well, thanks all.

I faint giving blood, so it sounds like i'd be a hinderance at the business end of the birth given what most of you have written! I'll concentrate on holding her hand and bringing hot towels, etc...

Oh, and you are right. Everyone is just so full of advice, it's sickening. "Stay away from the business end" is probably the first properly useful thing I've been told.

[eric olthwaite]

The lad just went out the door to meet his first girlfriend for their first 'date'.

Aww.

[AndyPaul]

The lad just went out the door to meet his first girlfriend for their first 'date'.

Aww.

You must be so proud... awwwww.....

[ARDS]

The lad just went out the door to meet his first girlfriend for their first 'date'.

Aww.

I hope to fuck you have gave him the "Birds and the Bee's "speech and a CONDOM.

[MightyWhite]

The lad just went out the door to meet his first girlfriend for their first 'date'.

Aww.

I hope to fuck you have gave him the "Birds and the Bee's "speech and a CONDOM.

If you haven't knocked up some unsuspecting trollop before your 18th birthday you're nothing