Sometimes, waking up on a Sunday is like Christmas morning for an in-form striker. At the start of the weekend, Leeds United’s Abbie Brown was 29 goals adrift of the leader of the Division One North goalscoring charts, Stockport County’s Levi Rathburn. But if there was a moment to make a dent in that chasmic gap, it was against relegation candidates Merseyrail, who had conceded eighteen in their last five outings.

Brown isn’t the only one with a big deficit to overcome. Leeds are trailing league leaders Durham Cestria by an ugly sixteen points, making their chances of claiming the sole promotion spot look slim. But the Whites’ epic FA Cup run has put them up to five games behind their competitors, meaning it’s still all to play for. Focusing on three points had to come before any dreams of a free-scoring rout.

You don’t turn down a rout, though. ‘You’re in, Brownie!,’ boomed Whites coach Rick Passmoor across Tadcaster town centre, and yes, after just ten minutes she really is. She has bags of space as the ball drops from the heavens. From seven yards out, a less experienced striker would have sent Sarah Danby’s gorgeous cross flying into Samuel Smith’s backyard. Merseyrail hardly reacted as Brown struck a deft first-time volley into the bottom corner.

Eight minutes later, Brown was full of conviction as, making up at least two yards, she steamed past a visiting defender to put herself one-on-one with Merseyrail ‘keeper Danielle Camp. There was no question of her feet tangling below her as she stared down the goal, picking a spot before pulling the trigger and doubling the lead for Leeds.

Seven minutes on, Brown was arriving again — this time down the wing, to the relief of the beleaguered Camp. That’s where Camp’s luck ran out, as there was no one around to put a stop to this needless violence by preventing Brown from cutting inside. But, given the chance of a twenty-minute hat-trick, Brown shows mercy and puts the ball on a plate for Amy Woodruff to make it 3-0.

At this point we interrupt our Abbie Brown masterclass to bring you A Little Bit of Balls-up at the Back. In an attempt to make something, anything happen for her luckless team, a Merseyrail winger claimed a mis-hit goal-kick and fired it straight back from whence it came. This was easily parried by Whites ‘keeper Carrie Simpson, but directly into the path of a striker. In one eight-second passage of play, starting with United in possession, the visitors had their first goal in four games and Leeds had surrendered their clean sheet to a team with no rights to take it.

Leeds don’t hang around fixing things, as only two minutes after the break Danielle Whitham is lined up to hit an unlikely volley. Like Brown’s first goal, it’s a moment that’s set up to go wrong — too much time to prepare the shot, too much goal to aim at. But Whitham’s swing is casual and correct, and before the ball has even crossed the line she’s running back to halfway to start again.

Perhaps humbling the brief Merseyrail comeback reminded Passmoor’s players that it has to be business before pleasure at the So-Trak Stadium, where league points will be cherished above moments of splendour. Brown got that, and was a picture of seriousness while completing her hat-trick. She overruns the ball in the box, but her shot is like a dart and it won’t be held by Camp. The ball trickles across the line, and Brown matches energy in her celebration, non-plussed as she rises to her feet. She’s topping off a blistering personal performance with her fourth goal contribution of the day, but Abbie Brown isn’t here to show off.

With the points wrapped up and the pasting declared over, she refused again to make a monument of herself in her post-match interview. “I can’t really remember them,” Brown said when asked to pick a favourite from her trio of goals. “No, I guess not.” ⬢