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I'd like to start by addressing all of you who got stood up on Valentine's Day. I'm sorry, it sucks, it should never have happened.
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It was cruel of Ruesha Littlejohn not to turn up to her hotly-anticipated rematch with ex-girlfriend Katie McCabe's new girlfriend Caitlin Foord on Wednesday night, when London City Lionesses took on Arsenal in the Continental Cup quarter-final.
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Some say it was destined never to happen, since an achilles injury condemned Littlejohn to shelving midweek games so as not to re-aggravate it — others say she simply got cold feet. I'm inclined to believe it was the latter, since she was chatting a big game when she went over her Valentine's Day plans with 90Min last week. "It'll be special," she said.
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Whatever the reason, her no-show has left thousands of WoSo fans heartbroken. But fear not, I'm here to lift your spirits with another edition of 31/7. This time we've got:
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- the best-smelling bullshit in town
- a stupid Marc Skinner pun
- a gif of an ice-cold goal celebration by someone who has offended Alex Popp
- a glimpse into Leah Williamson's downtime hobbies
- ...and loads of other bits n bobs.
And before I crack on, I want to say a quick, extra special 'hiya!' to the new subscribers who have jumped aboard since Maisie Adam kindly gave 31/7 a wee shoutout in the most recent edition of her ace women's footie podcast Big Kick Energy. Hiya guys! Thanks for signing up. I hope you enjoy reading today's newsletter. If you do, please think about who you know that might also like it and forward it on. Come follow me on Instagram too: @317_317_317_. Cheers!
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If you're such a pal who has been gifted this newsletter and you'd like to see more, you can get that by CLICKING HERE 🤠
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Manchester United manager Marc Skinner is all blue in the face and this time, he can’t fix it by sizing up his turtleneck. The lad’s hardly paused for breath all season, complain this, whinge that — it’s amazing he’s found time to coach any football players.
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Kick up a stink time and time again and eventually people stop smelling the stink. Folks are no longer interested in pandering. At this point, your choices are shout louder or bring an agent into the fold to canvas for your interests. Arsenal boss Jonas Eidevall looked a prime victim, I mean, uh, candidate.
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"It’s another game decided by tight margins and those margins went against us today," Eidevall said on Sunday after Laia Aleixandri's goal decided Manchester City would advance in the FA Cup at the Gunners' expense, just days after Arsenal’s Women’s Super League title charge faltered with defeat to strugglers West Ham.
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The tightness of margins hardly touched Arsenal fans, many of whom were shouting that the boss wants gone when Eidevall realised that saying 'I'm nearly a great football manager' wasn't going to cut it if he wanted to effectively deflect the heat.
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It was time to dip into the Marc Skinner Manual of Football Management, Chapter 1: Fussing and Whining.
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“I don't get this, why we can't play this game when it's supposed to be played? It needs some looking at," he said, after their Continental Cup quarter-final against London City Lionesses was postponed due to a soggy pitch. Apparently, they do things way better over in his home country, Sweden, where games are rarely cancelled despite weather that is WAY "more severe".
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Don’t come for our waterlogged pitches, actually, Jonas. Next it’ll be the meat pies and Bovril. You might not like them, but that’s how we do things around here. Some things are supposed to stay wet. Look at the Fens, they’ve never been the same since some Dutch dude swanned in with his fancy-pants drainage system. How long have you been in London, Jonas? It’s kind of our thing.
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But look, here I am getting all hot under the collar about culture wars when really I should be talking about Eidevall, the manager of Arsenal FC, a whole weaker than the sum of its parts. Congratulations Jonas, you got what you wanted.
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Eidevall lamenting the postponement a few days before the rescheduled quarter-final reminded me of a funny tweet I saw lately that mourned the office culture of soft-launching a Friday sick day by complaining of a slight sore throat on Wednesday afternoon. With a bit of forward planning, your bullshit can smell even better.
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Realistically, the Continental Cup is Eidevall’s best chance of salvaging some silverware from a disappointing season, so planting the seeds of an excuse days before that hope potentially disappears with defeat to London City Lionesses was the best kind of insurance policy.
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It wasn’t only the postponement that rattled our Jonas. It’s "a joke", he said, that Women's Super League suspensions can be served in the Continental Cup. Not all teams are competing in both, so the advantage is disproportionately meted out, or something…
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Clearly, Eidevall loved his perusal of the Marc Skinner Manual of Football Management so much that he slammed the cover, licked his lips, and called up the man himself for a little one-to-one tuition.
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Three pints and four hours watching Skinner sketching out his plan for ‘the correct order’ of things on the back of a beer mat later, Eidevall can't believe he never thought of football this way before. Eyes glazed over, leaning in to savour another radical truth, it all makes sense now. And it’s clear — the solution starts with them.
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In the end, Skinner doesn't even need the envelope of cash he's tucked into his double-breasted jacket. He's got Agent Eidevall hook, line and kickin' up a stink. Putty in his paws.
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Eidevall hates postponements, Eidevall hates waterlogged pitches, Eidevall hates suspensions served incorrectly, Eidevall hates… the reactive nature of rule-making in the Continental Cup.
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"The Continental Cup is surrounded with 'if this happens, let's see what the consequence is going to be'," he frothed, criticising the FA’s course of action after Aston Villa fielded an ineligible player in the competition, which famously knocked Manchester United out in what can only be a part of the global conspiracy against Mr Marc Skinner.
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It all worked out pretty tough for the Skinster though. Since Eidevall’s team booked a place in the Continental Cup semi-finals by trouncing London City Lionesses 4-0 on Wednesday, Eidevall's changed his tune. No longer are the rule-makers and rainclouds ruining the Continental Cup.
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That’s not the face of a man who hates the system! It’s all sunshine and laughter on planet Eidevall, while Skinner sits at home and plots the next step toward Total An-Marc-hy.
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Just weeks after the add-ons from Mayra Ramírez's sale by Levante to Chelsea threatened to snatch Keira Walsh's £400,000 transfer record, the ceiling has been blown off by NWSL newcomers Bay FC.
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Zambian forward Racheal Kundananji is now the world's most expensive footballer, moving Stateside for £685,000. She is first African player, male or female, to break a world transfer fee, and she's feeling pretty chuffed about it.
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"People in Zambia will be surprised but they will be so happy," Kundananji told the BBC. "A lot of people have encouraged me to work hard and some even said 'maybe one day you'll break some records'. This is the first one and I know there are more coming. I will do my level best and fight every time I play, like I always do."
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I didn't see any of the 33 league goals she scored for Madrid CFF last season, or watch her represent Zambia at the World Cup last summer, but she seems sound as a pound. This is how she celebrated chipping in with a goal during the Copper Queens' astounding 3-2 friendly win over World Cup favourites Germany on the eve of the tournament 🥶🤧
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This means that all of the world's three most valuable players — Kundananji, Ramírez, and Keira Walsh — have at some point, deeply upset Germany captain Alexandra Popp.
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With Kundananji lining up next to fellow African attacking extraordinaire Asisat Oshoala and big Jen Beattie holding the fort at the back, newly-formed Bay FC are already looking like a delicious addition to the NWSL.
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You have to see it. Mia Fishel's cross was behind her, but that was no problem for the Colombian magician, who flicked the ball with the back of her heel, bouncing it off the ground into the net over Crystal Palace 'keeper Demi Lambourne's head. What?
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- I was going to write about how annoying and bullshit it is that some women are claiming that their fun run time is more important than the safety and prosperity of trans people —but the Guardian's Jonathan Liew said it better.
- The return of Captain Leah, who soothes herself with sudoku puzzles when horror films get too scary.
- Headlines are gross atm, so here's a good news story about a cat called Blueberry.
- the thought of Lauren Hemp playing for Barcelona 💭🤧
- Top drawer shithousing from Hannover fans protesting against private investment into the Bundesliga.
- The Horsforth lad who solved 1,300 Rubik's cubes in honour of Marcelo Bielsa.
- The African Cup of Nations finale — you don't sack your manager mid-tournament, even after suffering your heaviest home defeat ever. But Ivory Coast did, putting interim manager Emerse Faé at the helm for the rest of the tournament after the Elephants only qualified from the group stage as one of the best third-placed teams. Of course they ended up winning the whole thing, as hosts and all, with a player returning from cancer treatment scoring to complete a 2-1 comeback in the final.
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- Friday — big giant Women's Super League title decider
- With Arsenal and Man Utd faltering, the WSL trophy is starting to look like a two-horse race, and those two horses are going head to head.
- Three points ahead, if Chelsea win or draw the showdown on their own turf, seizing first place is down to them — but a victory stolen by Manchester City will put the sides level on points, setting up a straight shoot-out with the remaining eight games of the season.
- There's also justice to be served after the teams tied on the reverse fixture in October, after referee Emily Heaslip controversially sent off TWO City players.
- Stream live on BBC Two, iPlayer, or the BBC Sport website, KO 7.15pm.
- Saturday — the Women's Super League mid-off
- The hopes of Arsenal and Manchester United for winning the title now depend at the very least on Chelsea dropping six points between now and May which, for a team that have dropped four since the start of the season, looks unlikely.
- Third place and a chance to compete in next year's Champions League, however, is all to play for — though, as Marc Skinner will tell you, the qualifying paths by which teams which aren't champions access the tournament are all stupid and rigged, anyway, so I wouldn't bother.
- For the first time in history, the Emirates is sold out for a WSL clash.
- Stream on Sky Sports, 12.30pm.
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- Sunday — West Riding County First Division
- It's a huge game in our promotion race this weekend. In third place and on the other side of the crucial promotion line, Farsley Celtic trail us by five points with one game in hand. Beating us on their turf puts them in the driving seat for promotion — but that won't happen cuz we're fucking sick, innit. Let's gooooooo ⚽️🔥
- Sunday — West Riding County Cup
- Leeds United hope to book a place in the County Cup final as they face seventh-tier Leeds Modernians.
- The international break
- We've survived 10 weeks without it, but Lionesses content is on the way.
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Won with the wind
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Ponytails flapping like flags, goalkeepers’ knees knocking at deadballs. “It’s not always easy to come to the north east and play football,” said Olivia Smart.
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