After Leeds were relegated from the Premier League, Rasmus Kristensen was asked by Danish publication Tipsbladet about the prospect of playing in the Championship. “If someone points to me, I’m ready,” he replied, although he didn’t sound particularly enthused, adding:

“I have a long contract left, and it may not be what I had imagined. I’ll be the first to say that it wasn’t. The reality is that we’ll be playing in the Championship next season, and I’m going to stick with the reality until I — if I — am presented with some new ones.”

Rasmus did well to correct that ‘until’ to ‘if’, but we knew what he really meant. Roma offered him the chance to join on a season-long loan and hang out with Diego Llorente, and Kristensen reportedly paid for his own flight to undergo a medical earlier than his new club were expecting him to arrive. Maybe he just really likes Diego Llorente.

How it started

It became apparent by the end of the 2021/22 season that Leeds needed an upgrade on Luke Ayling at right-back, and Kristensen seemed like the type of player we’d appreciate. He was basically expected to be Pontus Jansson with overlaps. He didn’t eat fruit or vegetables, preferred snakes to spiders because they’re “cooler”, and found Brenden Aaronson annoying. Borussia Dortmund and Brentford wanted him — two clubs that do transfers well — and he was already indoctrinated in Jesse Marsch’s bull’s piss football. All that for £10m. What a steal!

How it went

For someone so accustomed to Marsch’s tactics, Kristensen appeared the least comfortable with what he was being asked to do. Leeds conceded goal after goal after being exposed in the space behind the full-backs, and any attacking threat Rasmus posed was blunted by him treating a football at his feet like someone had just passed him an apple, swiftly knocking the fucker in any direction away from him.

Marsch regularly admitted the Premier League was a lot more difficult than he expected, and said Kristensen was struggling with the same problem:

“He said to me, ‘I feel like I was making ten to twenty impactful moments per match at Salzburg, [in the] Champions League, in the [Austrian] league. And here, it’s hard for me to make one or two or three.’ I said, ‘Yeah, the level’s big,’ and he agrees.

“He thinks even [with] the opponents we’ve had (Wolverhampton Wanderers and Southampton), the level’s been above Champions League and the demands, which says a lot about the league. We try, even when we’re recruiting, to say, ‘Okay, you can go to a Champions League club, or you can play Champions League every week, and that’s what this league is.’”

That’s no excuse for not being able to take a throw-in properly, mind.

Best moment

By January, even Marsch had accepted Luke Ayling was a better bet at right-back. Losing his place at Leeds meant losing his place in the Denmark squad in March. Four days after being left out by Denmark, he came off the bench for Leeds at Wolves, and within 23 seconds had scored his first goal for the club. Nobody seemed to understand how it happened, least of all Phil Hay, but everyone was delighted it had.

LOL – RASMUS….#lufc

— Phil Hay (@PhilHay_) March 18, 2023

“I don’t know about my celebration because I don’t score many goals,” Kristensen said afterwards. “It was just pure emotion, I guess. It’s been a tough week, being dropped from the national team, but I’ve stayed focused and (I am trying to) play the best football I can.”

Two days later, he was back in the Denmark squad. Everything was coming up Milhouse!

Worst moment

There was no specific FFS moment, just consistent, ‘Bloody hell, Rasmus.’ His first and (presumably) last games for Leeds are enough proof that he was not the Pontus-like raging bull we were expecting — getting shoved out of the way by Pedro Neto as Leeds conceded their first goal of the season against Wolves, and moving out of the way of Lucas Moura as Leeds conceded their 78th and last goal of the season against Spurs.

What might have been

Since Rasmus has admitted the Premier League was a lot more difficult than he imagined, it’s equally difficult to imagine an alternative scenario in which such an obviously limited footballer flourished. Would he have been just as underwhelming if he’d joined Brentford or Dortmund, or is it all our fault? His loan at Roma might provide an answer.

Rate the goodbye

We’re still waiting for a goodbye. The last post on Kristensen’s Instagram feed is from his unveiling as a Leeds player. Roma’s English language Twitter account posted a confusing video announcing his signing, with footage of him undergoing his medical and signing his contract placed alongside appeals for missing children around the world. Maybe he’ll be more effective as a detective rather than a full-back.

🆕 𝗪𝗘𝗟𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘 | Rasmus Kristensen 🐺🇩🇰

The club is delighted to confirm the signing of the versatile Danish defender!

Meanwhile, the global search for missing children continues. 🙏 #ASRoma | @ICMEC_official pic.twitter.com/BlzTG44fS2

— AS Roma English (@ASRomaEN) July 14, 2023

Where they’re going

Having grown up with the Roma of Francesco Totti, Daniele De Rossi, and Olly Dacourt, I’m not quite sure what to make of the Roma of Rasmus Kristensen, Diego Llorente, and Chris Smalling.

The website Forza Italian Football has published an article headlined, ‘WHAT IS JOSE MOURINHO’S THINKING BEHIND RECRUITING RASMUS KRISTENSEN FROM LEEDS?’ It opens with the sentence:

Out of all the incomings at the Stadio Olimpico this summer, the sight of Rasmus Kristensen walking through the door is surely the hardest to make sense of.

So it’s reassuring to know they’re as confused as I am. ⬢