The Sky Bet English Football League ‘Champo’ play-offs get underway this weekend, and that has nothing to do with us! No involvement for us there whatsoever, yet again. I can’t even remember the last time the mere mention of that concept sent me into a mental tailspin of doom and angst. It definitely wasn’t today that I was screaming and crying on the floor yelling don’t make me go back, don’t make me go back!

Arguably there are bigger games ahead this week, but on Saturday and Tuesday Sheffield United and Nottingham Forest are contesting their semi-final. That’s Paul Heckingbottom, the brooding Leeds-hater we used as a punchline all through the Bielsa era, against Steve Cooper, the son of a ref who joined Garry Monk and Wigan Athletic Football Club as a thorn in the side of El Loco’s EFL Champo champs. Trying to pick a team to rise out of these two is difficult. Forest were founder members of the Premier League, FA Cup finalists when I was a kid, historically a biggish team with a couple of European Cups somehow in the cabinet; they sort of belong in the top flight by the same rules that would allow Oldham back. But Nottingham Forest have been in the Championship so long it’s hard to imagine what they’d be like as a Premier League club anymore. Champo Forest just has a certain ring to it that I respect. Besides, if they come up, Cooper might beat us if we stay up, whereas if they stay down we’ll have a big club to play next season if we go down.

Unfortunately that raises the spectre of Paul Heckingbottom winning promotion to the Premier League with Sheffield United. I do not need to explain in detail why this can’t be allowed to happen. One illustration will do: picture Hecky next season in the Premier League, looking back over the ‘journey’ that brought him to this moment, and deciding, ‘O’ course, what me promotion wi’ Blades prooove i’ tha’ allus needed up t’Leeds were bit more time to ge’ players werken wi’ un wi’aht ball.’ No, thank you.

It’s not much easier finding a winner in the other side of the draw, playing Friday and Monday. I would, genuinely, like Tom Lees to win promotion to the Premier League and be happy, as long as nobody forces him to smile. He looked good enough for the top level in his young days at Leeds and he might have made it by now if he hadn’t gone to Sheffield. I’ve often regretted the alternative timeline in which Massimo Cellino doesn’t give Lees away to Wednesday on a whim, so our Tom could have still been around when Bielsa arrived, ready to go full Liam Cooper and reveal his Premier League class. Does that sound far-fetched? Lightning couldn’t strike twice? Well, listen to Tom talking to The Athletic this week, about meeting his current coach, Carlos Corberan:

“Huddersfield are very progressive in their thinking. Very modern in their approach. I was shown what the club calls an ‘Individual Development Plan’ for a couple of their players. Basically, outlining what they have done to develop these players. They also showed me what they thought could be done with my game. I found it really interesting and I’d say people have probably seen a different side to my game this season as a result of coming here. Particularly, in terms of what to do with the ball.”

When Tom joined Huddersfield last summer, I looked up some stats about 2020/21. Under Corberan, Huddersfield’s centre-back Naby Sarr had played approximately the same number of accurate short passes per game on average as our Liam Cooper, 47 to 52.6. Over at Wednesday, Lees’ average was 22.1. Would this old dog be able to adapt to Corberan’s new tricks? The numbers will have to speak for themselves, because I refuse to watch any Huddersfield games for more context, but this season Lees leads their team for accurate short passes per game, a mighty average of 43.9, with an overall passing accuracy of 84.6%. Leesenbauer is real. Tom Lees is a tiki-taka machine.

Are you thinking the same thing I’m thinking? If Carlos Corberan can get a full Bielsist-Cooper transformation out of 31-year-old Tom Lees, what else could he do? “He’s probably the definition of the phrase, ‘Student of the game’. Every second of his day is football, he’s absolutely obsessed,” Lees told The Athletic.

“I’ve learned so much from him. He’s always watching football, clipping football, and gathering examples that he can then show you about what he has learned. Everyone talks about Bielsa’s influence, but there is definitely more to it than that.
“He takes things from coaches all over the world. We watch football from lots of different leagues. The manager is always coming to you with ideas or something he has seen and saying, ‘You can incorporate this into your game’. The way this manager works is very different to anything I’ve ever experienced before. Even in my first couple of meetings with Carlos, I came out thinking, ‘I’ve learned loads there’. I have been playing a long time and had heard a lot of people’s thoughts on football but here was something genuinely new.
“Huddersfield’s success can only help the manager going forward, too. Players will think, ‘Look what he’s achieved — if I do open my mind and listen to him, he can develop me as a player’.”

You might remember Corberan was reported to be on Leeds United’s after-Bielsa shortlist, along with Ernesto Valverde and Jesse Marsch. It’s hard to know how Valverde didn’t get the gig — he’s out of work since leaving Barcelona, and when he followed Bielsa at Bilbao he took them from 12th to 4th in his first La Liga season, then 7th, 5th and 7th. But if — and I’m not saying he is, but if — if Victor Orta should happen to be overturning every bin in Beeston right now trying to find that list again, and for whatever reason the board still don’t fancy Valverde, and if — there isn’t — but if there just might somehow happen to be a vacancy — which there definitely is not! and probably won’t be! but if! — perhaps Corberan could be worth a call. Today. No! Did I say that out loud? Not today. Obviously not today. There isn’t a vacancy! And besides, he’s busy this weekend with the play-offs. But just in case a vacancy should arise, hypothetically I mean, perhaps it would be better overall for Huddersfield to stay down this season so Corberan may be, uh, easier to negotiate with. If the need should arise. Which it might not!

Who does that leave as our Champo choice du jour? Luton Town. Yes, I know, but they were in the First Division when I was growing up so that’s one box ticked. Another plus is the presence of all round excellent human being Robert Snodgrass, and his happiness about promo from the Champo might make up for Tom Lees’ misery at still not getting in the Premmo. That suits them both much better — a downcast Snod and a laughing Lees would feel the wrong way round. One drawback is that Luton are coached by that archetype of the EFL managerial weirdo, Nathan Jones, but it can be good for the Premier League to have one of those per season. I can hear Roy Keane, aghast: ‘This fella, he must be soft in the head, making a mural of your own celebration? Ah you can’t, I can’t!’ And this after Manchester United 0-5 Luton Town. No downsides here, promote Luton now. ⬢