Eeesh. It’s not the sound anyone wanted to hear at Elland Road four days before Christmas 2022 but, eeesh, it’s the sound we got. But also, aaaiiieeeee. If ever a match needed Wilf Gnonto to win a penalty and for Joe Gelhardt to boot it into the net and send the cold kids-for-a-quid home happy and squealing with the last kick of the game, this was it. It’s a real upside that half the crowd — the half under fourteen years old — won’t care, in years to come, if Monaco’s four easy goals exposed failings in Jesse Marsch’s defence as he tried to collect enough healthy players for a team one week before restarting the Premier League season against Manchester City. All that is a problem for grown ups, and specifically Jesse Marsch himself, not the kids cheering all Brenden Aaronson’s backheels, booing all Monaco’s goals, staying up late as a Christmas treat. Aaaiiieeee! Joffy scored a goal and you were there to see it. Go to sleep dreaming it was last goal wins.
As everyone else went for their pyjamas, it was Rene Maric’s solemn duty to inform the press after the game that there had been ‘illness in the camp’, raising the prospect that while Manchester City worry about counting sixteen players back from the World Cup, Leeds could end up missing more after six weeks off. But for those of us old enough to worry — and if you keep taking a youngster to Elland Road, their furrowed brow and worry lines will appear soon enough — the concern over resources seemed to be masking other problems. After all, we can hardly claim Leeds weren’t prepared for all eventualities when they had not one but two goalkeepers on their bench of eight. Marsch didn’t even need to put Cody Drameh on, so what was anyone worrying about?
Leeds had good times in this match, getting most things their own way in the first half. Gelhardt coulda, shoulda scored two, but he needs to watch some videos of Gary Lineker throwing himself at every ball around the six yard box, not pessimistically assuming defenders will block a cross then kicking himself when it’s too late. Brenden Aaronson played as if he’s been watching videos of Lionel Messi, or just Messi, trying to live up to being the Medford version by fight-skilling his way through tackles, determined to keep possession no matter how many tricks he has to do, kicks he has to take. Wilf Gnonto was just Wilf Gnonto, not far now from being Leeds United’s best footballer, aged nineteen. He even got through Marc Roca’s attempts to tackle him as he turned through midfield. Sam Greenwood, also in midfield, had a fun spat with Monaco’s Gelson Martins, knuckling each other like kids trying to give out dead arms. Formationally and formally, Leeds rotated through 4-2-3-1, 4-3-3, 4-4-2 and 4-2-4, some of it depending on which side of the pitch the ball was on, some of it depending on some stuff I probably don’t care about.
The worrying thing was that, after scoring with their only decent attack of the first half, Monaco switched on for the second half and scored three from three more decent attacks inside ten minutes. Trying a bit of quick maths, I calculated Monaco were on course for a final tally of fourteen and a half, and the sad thing was, it didn’t look unlikely. Nobody who has watched Leeds much this season will be surprised by the second half goals that were scored from passes beyond our full-backs into space — Rasmus Kristensen on the first, Pascal Struijk on the second — and crosses finished off in the penalty area as the other defenders turned and turned, screwing themselves into the ground. In between those, Monaco were allowed to score easily by hitting a knocked down corner into the net, to make up for Robin Koch opening the scoring with a glancing header on our own too-easy corner in the first half.
The other goal, Monaco’s first and their equaliser, was more confusing after they countered and scrambled and took far too long over scoring a goal that looked destined as soon as the ball was in the box. Oh how the kids booed that one. They didn’t quite have the lungs for booing the fourth. The problem with the first, and the second and the fourth (we’ll let them off the corner, everyone scores those) is that all it apparently took for Monaco to either a) score or b) dominate possession as United’s press feebly asked for a touch, was to try a bit. For a lot of the first half these gilded visitors from the south of France and the top end of Ligue 1 didn’t look anything much, as if Leeds could hold their own in the Europa League with them, no problem. But whenever they, like, tried, I was reminded that after Tony Yeboah demolished the red and whites in their own principality with his legendary hat-trick, Monaco came to Elland Road for the second leg and reasserted themselves with a 1-0 win. Useless to them on aggregate, but a reminder that even without Thierry Henry on the bench they could bring Emmanuel Petit back to play alongside Enzo Scifo, whereas we’d drafted Paul Beesley back in with Carlton Palmer.
That’s all history now anyway, and 2022’s rematch didn’t even respect the two clubs’ kit traditions. Leeds were in black, Monaco in purple, bruising the eyes before the game even began. This game will be consigned to nostalgia’s dustbins alongside 1995’s UEFA Cup home leg, except in the memories of those who were there but aren’t used to this yet. It can’t even be used for wise hindsight next week after whatever happens against Manchester City, because they will be on a different level, making anything Monaco managed useless as a portent. And it can’t be used for relaxing solace as we wait for that post-Christmas meeting, because yeah, Manchester City will be a lot better than Monaco were. That doesn’t sound like a good thing! ⬢
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